The Story of My Exorcism (Yes, really)
The Story of My Exorcism
(Yes, really)
A little backstory first, I grew up in a positive Christian home. I had loving parents
and a happy childhood. I remember going to church as a young child fondly but
over time we just stopped going. They were not strict about going to church but
taught about God throughout my life. I even took Bible studies in my
homeschooling high school. We were not perfect by any means and had our good
share of questionable flaws, but overall were good people. I was very fortunate
to have this upbringing.
I grew up knowing of God and claiming to be a Christian but
didn’t fully understand what it was to have a relationship with God. I started
to stray off the path and got into some bad influences. I was doing things I
shouldn’t and turned into someone I no longer liked when I looked in the
mirror. That’s a story for another time, however.
The point is, I decided to change my life for the better. I
started going to church again. I had wonderful times with my pastors and have
nothing but grateful things to say about them.
That started to change when they moved on and we got some
new leaders.
I was running into some difficult times; my mother passed and
my mental health was suffering. Around this time, I was diagnosed with Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder, so I went to my new leaders for council. I was
hearing voices for one and thought I was going crazy. I also told them about my
fiction writing hobby/career and how it felt like my main character was trying
to comfort me. I associated this voice I was hearing to him. It was something familiar,
so I started clinging to the idea that it was him. This is what my brain was
doing to help me cope, it was manifesting the fictional character to give me
comfort.
Instead of reassurance or guidance, these new pastors made
me destressed. I was told the voice I was hearing, who I was associating as my
character, was actually a demon. A spider demon in fact. They told me I had to
rewrite him out of my story completely. I had to cut him out of my life
forever. They even told me to change my story’s genre from fantasy to historical
fiction. They then proceeded to perform a real-life exorcism to get this
character out of me. Out of my body.
It was a shock to my system. I ever heard of “spider demons”
and the thought of completely changing my story, to their speciation’s, was
upsetting. I know he wasn’t real, but I felt like this character I made was a
part of me. Giving him up was like J. K. Rowing not caring Harry Potter
anymore. I also believed, and still do, that God gave me the passion to write
and for them to tell me how to do so in such an extreme way was…
incomprehensible. I felt my trust was breached.
After my exorcism, I never went back to this church. I
couldn’t. I struggled with my faith afterwards and what they had said. I would
find myself asking where they actually right? Was my wring bad for me? Do I
really need to change my whole life’s work to please God? Was God really making
me chose between writing and Him? I believe I was strong enough to pick God,
always, but it was just so painful. Why would He make me choose if He
understood why I love it so much? I do understand not putting my work before
God or above Him, but to give it up completely? Sure, they told me I could
still write, but without this one character or the fantasy element. However, I
couldn’t fathom writing my stories without those things. It wasn’t my story
anymore. It still upsets me to think about to this day.
The good news is, with God’s help, I overcame. I came to
understand people can be false. They may have meant well, but it was toxic and
false teaching. Being a Christian isn’t about blindly following what your pastors
say. This way of thinking is what lead to tragedies such as the Jamestown massacre.
You are allowed to disagree with them. Pastors
are people too. They can make mistakes, or in this case, be false prophets. I’m
not saying to disagree with the Bible or them preaching from it, but if they
say something that doesn’t align, that’s a red flag. There is no evidence of
spider demons in the Bible nor any demon with an earthly animalistic from
besides of the snake that tempted Eve. But even then, snakes themselves are not
evil. God used a serpent when Moses changed his staff into one.
What I’m trying to tell you is, don’t let those who abuse their power make you turn away from God. God is greater than all things. The first bit of the book of Revelations in the Bible was Jesus rebuking the churches of false profits. Hell, he even cast out crooked people within the temple in Jerusalem in a fit of rage. Flipping tables and all.
With God's guidance, I was able to find proper therapist and treatments for my PTSD. I'm happy to say that I no longer hear voices, only my personal inner thoughts. My so-called exorcism had nothing to do with my recovery. Beware of the deceptions and “web” of lies.
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